you continue to have such excellent craft around bringing data into important topics and conversations. the biggest one for me is absolutely loneliness as a housing issue. absent the truth that it's fucked that people can't afford to live in a 1 bedroom, i do find it frustrating that communal living situations are always associated with poverty and lack of a living wage. they are certainly closely associated, but wanting to live on your own isn't gonna help the whole isolation thing. of course, living with roommates doesn't always = community but it can. idk that's a sticky one
As someone who's always been a walking confessional to strangers, I had trouble understanding why people loved telling me their stories. During lockdowns, I was still in contact with friends but I missed the banter I'd have with baristas or chatting with people and their dogs. The everydayness of it was taken away so abruptly and it definitely made me super skittish once I went back out into public, suddenly being both afraid of strangers yet telling other strangers personal things I likely wouldn't have otherwise. I realized I'd become that person who was confessing deeper truths to strangers because it's easier that way sometimes, especially if it's something that's hard to talk about. With a stranger, there's no baggage, no history. The person just hears your story and then you feel validated because you've been listened to. The man in the ice cream aisle just wanted to be heard. You didn't make him cry. The realization and vocalization of his situation made him cry. You gave him 10 minutes of your melting non-keto ice cream time and he gave you a story you'll carry with you and a connection that neither of you will forget. As a storyteller, I've come to see this as a gift. These stranger confessions become a part of me and give me a better understanding of what makes people tick.
If you'd like to turn this back into a self-help post, here's a great quote from Brené Brown: "Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued." So you gave him a little bit of of feeling connected to another person, even if it's just some dude who wanted ice cream.
Fantastic article, and something I've been meaning to write about for a long time.
My perspective: I'm 23 years old. I transferred from community college to a university right after the pandemic took off, so my college experience certainly wasn't what I thought it would be. At the same time, I began working from home, rather than in the office I was in before--not that my office was ideal grounds for camaraderie. I cannot begin to tell you how alienating it is to have your initial university experiences AND work behind the screen of a laptop.
My subsequent experience with depression was incredibly ugly, and it's still something I'm struggling with today. I had lost twenty pounds, reeked of cigarettes and weed, and broke into episodes--so much so that I sent myself to a psych ward, knowing no other alternative.
Interestingly enough, in the psych ward I experienced a sense of togetherness that I hadn't in a long time. My roommate (cellmate?) was a 30-something guy who was really good at chess, and he kicked my ass up and down the board. His name was Ross, and he struggled with depression. He said he couldn't hold down a job, isolated himself from everyone, and his family doesn't know what to do with him, so he's here every once in a while, almost as if he's just there to kick it with us. When he spoke, which was rare, I saw more and more of myself in him.
I still think about those people in the ward from time to time--how they interacted with one another, played games, painted pottery, argued, even gossiped. We couldn't have phones, so all we had was each other's company, which, in a psych ward, had a fair share of ups and downs. Nonetheless, I was interacting with others in that psych ward more than I had been in a long time. I cannot stress enough how important the lack of screens makes a difference.
I no longer have social media or even have a smartphone. I try to enjoy life beyond today's confines. It's difficult when virtually everybody you know has fallen victim to the new narcotics of the modern age, but I've found a community for myself. I've got friends for rock climbing, for making music, for weekly trivia, and I'm still building upon that community. But I worry for my generation and the generations of the future, who are struggling with the same sickness I struggled with (and still struggle with today). It kills me to think about how little we care for one another, how quick we are to judge one another based on such-and-such Instagram post or such-and-such political Tweet, how scattered and wired we are; unable to focus on incredible music, film, or literature that doesn't immediately feed us with instant gratification.
If I would add anything to your conclusion, it would be to go out and meet somebody today. Anybody! Make small-talk with a cashier when you get your groceries. Start a game of pickup basketball at your local gym (you don't have to be good). Learn a few Springsteen covers on that dusty guitar you found in your aunt's house and play them outside. Invite yourself to the world. Everybody could use a little human connection in their lives. Humankind is too good to give up now.
I really enjoyed this article, Ron - especially your humour, made me chuckled a few times out loud. I was also intrigued with the findings from the book 'Bowling Alone' that made me write my piece - "Why are we so bad at getting the one thing we want?" that touches on when did we all get so bad at relationships. This research has led me down several rabbit holes and now I'm all caught up in reading up on the 'metacrisis' our era is currently going through.
In a way, I only started on this because I was desperate for some answers. Answers to some of the phenomenon I'm seeing within my own circle. I can relate when you mentioned 'Perpetual Outgroup' - I think this part of us is what makes us see through people more. Less swayed by the group effect and biases.
Also glad you've put sleep as number 1. Prioritising brain health is not talked about enough!
Good article. About the claims about the loneliness's affect on health though, do you know if those studies prove causation? Loneliness and bad health must be correlated anyway, just because ill people get out less.
This is always a good question, and the messy answer is that it’s hard to establish true causal direction. That’s why I added in the neuroscience piece because in those experiments it was easier to establish a causal relationship. For example the decrease in neurons in hippocampal regions is quite strong, and it’s a reasonable assumption to assume that adverse health effects are downstream.
you continue to have such excellent craft around bringing data into important topics and conversations. the biggest one for me is absolutely loneliness as a housing issue. absent the truth that it's fucked that people can't afford to live in a 1 bedroom, i do find it frustrating that communal living situations are always associated with poverty and lack of a living wage. they are certainly closely associated, but wanting to live on your own isn't gonna help the whole isolation thing. of course, living with roommates doesn't always = community but it can. idk that's a sticky one
As someone who's always been a walking confessional to strangers, I had trouble understanding why people loved telling me their stories. During lockdowns, I was still in contact with friends but I missed the banter I'd have with baristas or chatting with people and their dogs. The everydayness of it was taken away so abruptly and it definitely made me super skittish once I went back out into public, suddenly being both afraid of strangers yet telling other strangers personal things I likely wouldn't have otherwise. I realized I'd become that person who was confessing deeper truths to strangers because it's easier that way sometimes, especially if it's something that's hard to talk about. With a stranger, there's no baggage, no history. The person just hears your story and then you feel validated because you've been listened to. The man in the ice cream aisle just wanted to be heard. You didn't make him cry. The realization and vocalization of his situation made him cry. You gave him 10 minutes of your melting non-keto ice cream time and he gave you a story you'll carry with you and a connection that neither of you will forget. As a storyteller, I've come to see this as a gift. These stranger confessions become a part of me and give me a better understanding of what makes people tick.
If you'd like to turn this back into a self-help post, here's a great quote from Brené Brown: "Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued." So you gave him a little bit of of feeling connected to another person, even if it's just some dude who wanted ice cream.
Fantastic article, and something I've been meaning to write about for a long time.
My perspective: I'm 23 years old. I transferred from community college to a university right after the pandemic took off, so my college experience certainly wasn't what I thought it would be. At the same time, I began working from home, rather than in the office I was in before--not that my office was ideal grounds for camaraderie. I cannot begin to tell you how alienating it is to have your initial university experiences AND work behind the screen of a laptop.
My subsequent experience with depression was incredibly ugly, and it's still something I'm struggling with today. I had lost twenty pounds, reeked of cigarettes and weed, and broke into episodes--so much so that I sent myself to a psych ward, knowing no other alternative.
Interestingly enough, in the psych ward I experienced a sense of togetherness that I hadn't in a long time. My roommate (cellmate?) was a 30-something guy who was really good at chess, and he kicked my ass up and down the board. His name was Ross, and he struggled with depression. He said he couldn't hold down a job, isolated himself from everyone, and his family doesn't know what to do with him, so he's here every once in a while, almost as if he's just there to kick it with us. When he spoke, which was rare, I saw more and more of myself in him.
I still think about those people in the ward from time to time--how they interacted with one another, played games, painted pottery, argued, even gossiped. We couldn't have phones, so all we had was each other's company, which, in a psych ward, had a fair share of ups and downs. Nonetheless, I was interacting with others in that psych ward more than I had been in a long time. I cannot stress enough how important the lack of screens makes a difference.
I no longer have social media or even have a smartphone. I try to enjoy life beyond today's confines. It's difficult when virtually everybody you know has fallen victim to the new narcotics of the modern age, but I've found a community for myself. I've got friends for rock climbing, for making music, for weekly trivia, and I'm still building upon that community. But I worry for my generation and the generations of the future, who are struggling with the same sickness I struggled with (and still struggle with today). It kills me to think about how little we care for one another, how quick we are to judge one another based on such-and-such Instagram post or such-and-such political Tweet, how scattered and wired we are; unable to focus on incredible music, film, or literature that doesn't immediately feed us with instant gratification.
If I would add anything to your conclusion, it would be to go out and meet somebody today. Anybody! Make small-talk with a cashier when you get your groceries. Start a game of pickup basketball at your local gym (you don't have to be good). Learn a few Springsteen covers on that dusty guitar you found in your aunt's house and play them outside. Invite yourself to the world. Everybody could use a little human connection in their lives. Humankind is too good to give up now.
I really enjoyed this article, Ron - especially your humour, made me chuckled a few times out loud. I was also intrigued with the findings from the book 'Bowling Alone' that made me write my piece - "Why are we so bad at getting the one thing we want?" that touches on when did we all get so bad at relationships. This research has led me down several rabbit holes and now I'm all caught up in reading up on the 'metacrisis' our era is currently going through.
In a way, I only started on this because I was desperate for some answers. Answers to some of the phenomenon I'm seeing within my own circle. I can relate when you mentioned 'Perpetual Outgroup' - I think this part of us is what makes us see through people more. Less swayed by the group effect and biases.
Also glad you've put sleep as number 1. Prioritising brain health is not talked about enough!
Good article. About the claims about the loneliness's affect on health though, do you know if those studies prove causation? Loneliness and bad health must be correlated anyway, just because ill people get out less.
This is always a good question, and the messy answer is that it’s hard to establish true causal direction. That’s why I added in the neuroscience piece because in those experiments it was easier to establish a causal relationship. For example the decrease in neurons in hippocampal regions is quite strong, and it’s a reasonable assumption to assume that adverse health effects are downstream.